Barbie doll

My friend Mahima gifted me a Barbie doll a gift for my birthday and trust me no other gift could get me as excited as this one did! Being brought up as a middle class girl child, my parents made sure I got to enjoy my childhood to the fullest. But they wanted to break stereotypes. So they got me lots of video games, mechanic sets, architect sets, doctor sets. I had started reading big novels at a very young age.

Whenever my neighbors and I played together, they all got their Barbie dolls. They washed the doll, its clothes, stitched new ones, dressed them up and made the dolls sit in the dollhouse. It was so nice to see all the girls do this. Since I didn’t have a doll of my own, they never let me touch their dolls. I felt so sad and hurt whenever they refused to include me in the game.

Ajji suggested that I play with other kids on the road. But because I was very dominating and extremely naughty, none of the boys wanted to play with me. It is not my fault that I could play cricket and football better than them. They felt inferior because I could sprint faster than them I think.

So, to not feel lonely, I ended up sitting in my home and reading lots of books. I had a library of my own by the age of 10. My parents were quite happy about my reading habit and never stopped me from buying more books. Hence, I started spending more time in the public library and two other bookstores near my house. The librarians and uncles and aunties who came here had become my friends. I never confessed to anyone about how sad I felt and that my friends didn’t include me while playing.

IMG_2416.JPG

A few days before my 20th birthday, Mahima texted me and asked me what I wanted as a gift. I confessed to her that I longed for a Barbie doll and Barbie house. This was a request from the bottom of my heart. She gave me the gift two months later, and it was quite expensive. She might have saved up for over a month for this gift I’m guessing.

Now, I am planning to play with this doll like my neighbours used to in our childhood. Reliving those days is almost impossible, but why not cherish what I have right now? Even though I can’t literally dress the Barbie doll and do all those things my neighbours used to do with their dollhouse, I try playing with the doll by doing my little experiments with all the dress I design. The doll sits right above my bed in the book shelf amongst few of my books.

 

Advertisements

The heart wants what it wants.

A few days ago, I saw that the film ‘Dear Zindagi’ was now available on Netflix. When I saw the thumbnail of the film, it immediately reminded me of the one really special dialogue of the film – “Hum kitni kursiyan dekhte hain koyi ek lene se pehle. Phir apna life partner choose karne se pehle options dekhne main kya problem hain?” (When we go to buy chairs, we try many options before buying one, so then what is the problem in looking for options while selecting a life partner?)

This dialogue absolutely changed the way I used to look at relationships. Finding some stranger who passed by me really cute is absolutely normal. It is okay to look at men and see if there could ever be a possible relationship with them. Why is it that over society teaches us otherwise?

From a very young age, I have been taught that I should find one single partner to live with all my life. This partner has to be your one and only relationship and there is no option of leaving him at any cost. Strive hard and make the sour relationship work – this was the constant mantra that I heard. Why was everyone one compelled to attach himself or herself with someone who they didn’t like anymore? How did anyone manage to attach to a person half-heartedly?

By forcing someone to believe that something unreal was the ultimate reality just resulted in breaking the heart, doesn’t it? We end up displeasing, annoying, and deceiving our emotions. Guilt and embarrassment will stay in our souls forever if we continue doing this.

It is absolutely not okay to accept this compulsion. Why should I listen to what the society says? People will speak, and that is what they do the best. I have learnt to not push myself to corner at every heartbreaks singing a pathos sad song. What is the necessity in sending the heart to hell?

Live for something you like; be with someone you truly love. Meeting a number of people before settling with someone is quite common. Let’s not force ourselves to fall in love, shall we? It will happen when it should. No one is forever alone. The right person is just around the corner. With utmost patience and calmness, let’s go in search of that corner to find OUR right person. After all, the heart wants what it wants.

To the cute guy I see everyday.

To the cute guy I see everyday,

From about a month or so, I go to the park with my mom every morning to exercise and shed those extra calories. We walk, run, and do all the basic exercise one does to lose weight. And one day, you just ran past me from the opposite direction with such great speed that I couldn’t even notice your face properly. Only thing I noticed properly was the yellow T-shirt and grey joggers that you were wearing.

After finishing my 10 rounds, I came to the small gym area in the park to exercise. And viola! There you are! Exerting all the energy in your body to do a few sets of push-ups. Obviously, I had to keep calm as my mom was also with me. I walked to sit-up bench and started exercising. In between, I stole a few glances of you. How dreamy you looked with that perfect structure and strength!

We both checked each other out everyday and it was quite obvious too. We look right into each other’s eyes each day while running, exercise next to each other in the gym area, steal a few glances here and there, etcetera. Haven’t we also started dressing up for each other? We both wear the sexiest workout clothes to the park compared to anyone else there. Obviously as everyone else who come to this park area middle aged or a senior citizen.

These days, my eyes automatically search for you in the park. My heart starts dancing once you come in sight! I mean I was just all happy with myself, why did you have to come in front of me to give me all these jitters? Yes, I dream about us. I know we haven’t actually introduced ourselves yet. But, I hope, there will be one day when we start talking for real and may be even start dating.

Is it love? Is it lust? Is it infatuation? I don’t know… but this feeling is the best and I don’t want to get rid of this feeling. The fact that reality might kill my bubble sometimes scares me. We both live together in this small little world of mine and let’s stay like that forever without having to ever face it. Shall we?

Yours truly,

Raagi

 

My BFF chronicles

I am clearly not a very strong individual. I have had my low time and good times. But I am really proud to say that I have good companions next to me at all times. I owe my whole life to Mahima and Shreya for supporting me whenever I needed them.

We have known each other from high school. We became really thick friends towards the end of tenth grade I think. Never did we ever have fights where one person had to come and say ‘sorry’ and only then we reconciled. It was mutual understanding that helped us carry this friendship ahead. We have talked and done with stupidest things in the world together. This freedom to do anything with you guys is just the best!

We have had each others back at all times – boyfriend problems, family issues, fears and phobias, amazing moments. Mahima and Shreya would just drop by at my house when they knew I was having a low time. They used to get me French fries with extra salt. Our conversation would go on till forever. Showing cat or dog videos to Mahima will cheer her up. And Shreya is happy to just eat Pani puri or Gobi Manchurian from local chat shop. We don’t study in the same college anymore, but I think it is telepathy that keeps us connected like this!

Mahima is the philosophical person. According to us, she can never make a mistake, as she is extremely responsible. Shreya is the baby of our group. She needs constant care, attention, and love else she will start crying and throw tantrums. One big drama queen she is. I am the sorted happy-go-lucky person. My laughter makes them laugh, I crack good jokes, I spread only positive vibes and keep the conversation going no matter what. I think Freud’s Id, Ego, and Super Ego was based on us three. Shreya works on the pleasure principle, I work on the realistic principle, and Mahima works on moral principle.

We three had decided on 2015, after we got out 12th grade results, that on 2025 we all would move into a flat that we three bought with our own money. I don’t know if we will do it, but we all are looking forward to it. There is a long list of things that we have planned to do together as a group. The first one amongst the list is to wear a saree and enter a pub. The next is to actually confess every stupid thing that we have kept a secret from our parents.

My BFF chronicles started with them from high school and will go on till death does us part. There is absolutely no other force in the world that can separate us. I love you guys from the bottom of my heart. (P. S. I have never told this to you guys because this would make your ego boost up.)

Fountain pen

I just bought two fountain pens for myself and I am quite excited about it! It took me back to my fifth grade when I first time started writing with pens. Everyone at home thought that using fountain pen would help me improve my handwriting. So they took me pen shopping. Yes, you read that last line correctly.

My father took me to various stationery shops across the area I live in. He made sure I checked each and every pen in every shop. He even made the shopkeepers remove the packaging so he can check if the nib of the pen was smooth or not. I found it a little weird because why would one check how a pen that has no inks in it function? It will obviously not help in scribbling anything. He made me hold the pen and scribble on a piece of paper. I honestly wanted to tell him to stop doing this, but was scared that he would shout at me.

Now that I think of that one day, what he did actually made a big influence on me when I go to buy a pen. An employee in the office I intern as bought a fountain pen today and was boasting about how good it felt to hold the pen in her hand, etcetera. My nostalgia then hit me.

I immediately went to the nearest stationery shop and checked for a few fountain pens. I did exactly what my father did the first time we went pen shopping. And there it was! I bought the same pen that my father got me for the first time! It is this wonderful black Camlin fountain pen that has a clear glass in between to check if there is ink in the pen or not. When I used the pen, it was just so smooth that my thoughts just spilled on the paper.

Gaston Bachelard has rightly said in his poetics of Reverie – “How can one not dream while writing? It is the pen that dreams. The blank page gives the right to dream”

The Plague. The Dubsmash

Dubsmash – an app that has kept everyone captive from the past few months. There’s no one with a smartphone, who did not have the Dubsmash app. It was like the plague. It was a ‘should and must’ rule for everyone to have their own Dubsmash video on Instagram or Twitter pages.

Like most of my friends, I also had this ‘Dubsmash fever’. Every hour of everyday, it was a ritual to record a video. The videos were both solo and with group. I even won in Dubsmash competitions that were conducted in intercollegiate competitions! Features on television channels of my Dubsmash videos were like an everyday thing to me.

One day, I thought why not make a Dubsmash with my dad. For a change, he was at home and was free too. So we sat together for while checking what kind of a video we could possibly make. I played few audio files and he liked one of them, I pressed the record button and waited for him to act. But he was really bad at it. We recorded multiple times, but all his efforts went in vain and it looked terrible. It is quite obvious to not get it right for the very first time. So we tried multiple times. But each time, there was some or the other error. He would forget the lines and or there wouldn’t be any lip sync.

It’s so unusual to see an actor of his caliber struggle with something as simple as a Dubsmash video. He just could not to do it! After spending an hour’s work into the recording, he went out of the room saying, “This app just does not make any sense to me”

 

Love for long hair

Hair is something really precious to me. From a very young age, I wanted to grow long hair. There used to be there trivia facts about hair in the magazine that my grandmother used to read. I followed them. I heard that someone held a record for growing hair the longest length and achieving this record had become the main goal of my life.

Singapore trip

But, my mother was tired of me. I was a naughty child and it was impossible to make me sit in one place and brush my hair. So chopped my hair. I had a boy cut as a punishment of my naughtiness until my third standard. One fine day, I decided that I would not get inside another hair cut until my hair reaches my knees. My grandmother was very happy with my decision and helped me grow my hair. Obviously, my mother wasn’t happy, so she threatened to take me to the beauty parlour if I did any mischief.

My grandmother nurtured my hair. She told me stories of her long hair days. It seems she used to wrap her hair around her waist like a saree pallu and go to school. Her hair was so thick and long that she needed the help of at least two to wash and brush it. She had become my inspiration. Every day, she braided my hair. Two braids with a red or white ribbon for school; for college and other days I wore single braid. It was such a joy to comb my hair.

Ajji and I

Everyone called me Rapunzel because of my hair. I had the ‘Avatar’ said a few people. My hair didn’t just help me look pretty, but also played a major part in hitting people I didn’t like. With just one swirl of my head, and everyone within the vicinity of one and a half meters were hit by my hair. Sometimes, my friends would sit on my hair by mistake. I sat on my hair a lot many times too!

When I was in the first of year of degree, I was diagnosed with PCOD, which led to massive hair fall. Seeing so much hair fall off made me devastated. So I went to a beauty parlour and chopped half the length of my hair. In just 15 minutes, my knee length hair was cut off. My hair reached just a few inches above my hip. I have maintained that length since then.

It had become a practice to hold my hair up before I sit. Now, I miss it. I am no more the Rapunzel. Who knows if I will ever be able to hold a record of having the longest hair? My grandmother still is very angry with me for chopping my hair, but she takes care of my hair like she used to before. She braids my hair every morning before I leave to college.